OMG where did 2018 go? It’s the first day of Dec and for most people this is the first day of Christmas…
I love the Holiday seasons, everyone is happy and in high Spirit, at least most people are but I can’t help but recall a couple of Christmas’ ago. It was the beginning of what became what you may call a mild depression. I hope you learn some lessons from my experience. Enjoy Part 1 and stay glued for more.
Nov 2014 I had the most amazing thanksgiving celebration with my siblings, it had been a while we were together like that, we had a blast in New York with our friends. At this time my old flame and I were having a bunch of issues but regardless I was still holding up and hoping Dec will be a good time to sort out the messes.
I had it all planned out, made a list of all the places will would go, when and how, sent it over for approval and boom, I get the ”yeah, yeah let’s see how it goes”, I already knew what that meant, I had been getting that response a lot lately, It basically meant I don’t care about all your plans- I got mine and you are not part of it- but somewhere in my head, I tried to tell myself he’ll come around, Christmas will be great and we will be alright- like most ladies tell themselves even when they know they are holding on to nothing.
Usually most of my friends and colleagues travel to be with family in Dec, they go out of town to where they feel warm and accepted and just have a great time. I refused to have a plan B, my only plan was to spend Christmas with this dude- just imagine the weeks and days of trying to cajole him to be on board with the plan- it was just the biggest drag ever, many arguments and complaints, in fact at this point we barely spoke, I was literally begging for my calls to be pick and messages to be answered- what a mess. Finally one week to Christmas, most people had traveled out of Jacksonville, my house mates and colleagues at work were gone for the holidays, the city was basically dry at this point since most people I knew were out!
I remember going to work every day except the 25th, dude had traveled out of his city to be with friends and there I was all alone all the way in Florida, I was with myself and my thoughts, I remember how hurt and abandoned I felt, little did I know that this was the beginning of the end.
I made a nice meal of Jollof rice, Chicken, Salad, Egusi, pounded yam and brownies on Christmas day, I invited one colleague who happened to be in town and we eat and tried to be merry. The very next day I was back at work, I decide to make my hours count for money at least if love was failing. I left an empty house and came back to the empty house, with an empty response to call and messages, I was all alone and lonely, all my plans- down the drain and crushed.
Dear single lady/man, nobody should ever be the key to you joy, don’t ever allow your plans revolve around someone who clearly doesn’t give a hoot about you. Plan for yourself, love and respect yourself enough to walk away from rubbish when you see it from miles away. Please don’t ever beg anyone to be with you, they will realize that they have an advantage over you and would most likely use it against you. This Christmas/Holiday season surround yourself with people who love you and care about your sanity, have a good time, be genuinely happy and rid your mind of anything and anyone that ways you down.
I was basically dying inside but putting up a front for everyone including my family, the biggest smile at work, over Skype and the happiest voice over the phone, while crying and praying every night that all the plans I had constructed in my head work out!
Peace!
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